Posted by: geminigoddess | March 5, 2009

Because I Deserve It…

The other day my Hubby and I were talking about family and I told him that it’s so strange that my sperm donor has such a poverty mentality since he came from money and my grandmother is, as far as I know, a millionaire.  This is a very strange part of my family history, of which I know very little about.  Here is what I do know.  Some of my great-great-grandparents were slaves on my paternal side.  I don’t know where the money came from.  Maybe my great grandfather’s family was from the North and had a little bit of a leg up so to speak.  But for a black man in the late 19th/early 20th century to amass a some of money worth leaving as an inheritance must have been a true feat.  I honestly wish I knew more about that.  Anyway, my grandmother inherited an unknown sum of money which she used to buy property in Hawaii and I assume invested in other ways which made her a millionaire.  This meant that my sperm donor grew up privileged and traveling the world.  He was actually born in Japan, and grew up in Hawaii.

As you know, my father is a crazy, sadistic sociopath.  This must in no small way be due in part to his mother.  She is a cruel, cold, sadistic, mean, nasty, bitter, racist, abusive woman, without so much as a speck of love showing through her personality.  She also believes that her money and her blackness makes her better than everyone else and that everyone should bow down at her feet and worship her.  The few times I met her she was interminably cruel and violent and constantly reminded me that she has a lot of money and she wasn’t going to leave me any of it if I wasn’t nice to her.  To which I responded that she could go to hell and there was no amount of money that could make me lower myself to that level, so she could keep her money because I didn’t want it.  That was when I was 12.  That was the last time I spoke to her.

Lately I’ve been thinking how ridiculous it is that two of the most evil people I have ever known have or will have tons of money (once my grandmother kicks the bucket, Michael will inherit some, if not all of her money).  I mean, I guess they have to because they don’t have anything else.  They don’t have love, or family, or peace.  I think I am MUCH richer than they are.  In fact, I wouldn’t trade places with them for a billion dollars.  No thank you.  Still, sometimes I wish that my grandmother would, as an act of contrition, or penance, for raising such a horrible person and then not helping her innocent grandchildren who lived in misery and abject poverty through no fault of their own, send me some money, just once, so that I could have a down payment for a house.  Now, is that too much to ask?  I don’t think so.  Maybe it will never happen, but I’m sending it out to the Universe.  Because I’m worth it.  And I deserve it.  Even if I am half white 😉 …



  1. Hey,
    I remember mom telling me that Grandma Catherine’s ancestors were slaves who won their freedom (very noble), bought land (again noble), and farmed it using other slaves (not so noble). I think her money came from that, and so did her rotten nasty attitude. Hope this helps some.

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