Posted by: geminigoddess | February 16, 2009

To My Girls…

As a child, I believed that my father was the devil (because he was cruel, sadistic, and abusive), and I believed my mother didn’t want me.  It shaped the kind of parent I am today.  The kind of mom who would do anything to let you know how loved, wanted, valued, adored, and precious you are to me.  If there is one thing you will know your entire lives – as children, as adolescents, as adults, and as parents yourselves- it is that I love you with a fierce love.  A love that you will never have to doubt, or question.  You won’t have to read my blogs to know that, but someday when you are ready, you will get to read them and hopefully learn some more about me.  I am a complex person.  I can be bitchy one minute, then turn around and be tender and loving the next.  I don’t believe in absolutes, or  black and white. I believe in grays, and rainbows.  I believe that people are capable of beautiful, compassionate acts of kindness just as they are capable of horrific brutality.  I strive to live my life in a compassionate, loving way.  But I am not perfect.  I never will be.  That’s not the point of being a human being living on this earth.  I’m exorcising my demons by getting to be your mommy.  Thank you so much for choosing me.  I can never express to you how grateful I am that you are allowing me to take this journey with you.  I will try the rest of my life to give you everything you deserve to have from me.  I will make a lot of mistakes.  I can’t guarantee you anything at all, except, I love you.  More than I could ever tell you.  More than you will ever know.  Until, perhaps, you have your own babies some day.  Then maybe you’ll know.  Until then, I’m going to tell you every day…

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