Posted by: geminigoddess | February 11, 2009

My Body, My Self…

I am reading “The Body Project”, by Joan Jacobs Brumberg.  For a long time now, I have felt that I needed to write some things down for my girls just in case I die before they are old enough to have these types of discussions with.  No one ever discussed some very critical information with me, and as a result I went through some experiences I feel I could have avoided if I had been armed with the right information.  This book is prompting me to write about specific experiences I’ve had and I feel it is a wonderful catalyst for topics of conversation related to puberty, body image, self esteem, and sex.

When I started my period, I was terrified.  I knew what it was.  I knew it was coming.  I had had breasts for 3 years, and cramps before my period started, but I was still terrified.  The number one fear I had was of being raped and getting pregnant.  I think that’s a sad commentary on the way our society prepares girls for such a monumental experience.  Instead of being excited at the prospect of becoming a fertile woman, and experiencing a rite of passage, I was paralyzed by fear.  I knew my mom had been raped as a teen.  I knew that one in four women is raped in the world.  So I thought I had a pretty good chance of it happening to me.  I carried that fear around me like a blanket, and energetically, I ended up attracting that experience by holding on to that fear, in a way I never thought possible.  But that’s a story for later.  Let’s talk about starting my period.

I was 13.  I was living with my father and stepmother.  My stepmother was a bitch.  She told me my cramps were fake and she made me buy my own pads, which turned out to be the most embarassing moment in my ENTIRE life, to this day.  This is because my littlest sister ran around the store pointing at me, alternately laughing and shouting as loudly as possible to every person in the store that I was buying pads because I had started my period.  I was mortified and embarrassed, and was sobbing the entire time I stood in line to buy them.   Thank you very much Lynn, I really DON’T appreciate it…

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Responses

  1. I remember that!!! How awful the shit that we have been through. Can you believe that we came out to be such good stable people?

  2. Speak for yourself 😉 I’m not sure if I would describe myself a “stable” ha ha ha. Good hearted, complex, and not crazy, but stable?


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