Posted by: geminigoddess | January 27, 2009

Dare to behold my mad parenting skills…

Get this.  Apparently some little bitches as E’s school have been telling her she is fat and ugly, and she believes them!  This is the worst part of being a parent.  Having to watch from the sidelines as your kids go through the same crap you did as a child, knowing that it’s all so petty and small in the arc of their lives, but also realizing that to them it is the world and means everything.  I just want to pull my hair out!  Are you fucking kidding me?  I wish I could beat them up for her.

In lieu of that, I have come up with some stinging epithets she can hurl at them in response to any future verbal attacks.  And no, I don’t think telling her they’re just jealous is going to make her feel better (come on, my parents told me that and I knew that was a bunch of BULLcrap).

Here’s the list.  I invite you to come up with some of your own and I will happily add them.

  1. “It only appears that I’m fat to you because by comparison, you look like you’ve been too busy snorting cocaine to eat.”
  2. “If you don’t watch out, you’re going to blow away in the next rainstorm.”
  3. “At least I’m not anorexic like you!”
  4. “Are you still wearing toddler clothes because you’re too tiny to wear regular sizes?”
  5. “Bag of Bones!”
  6. “Broomstick!”
  7. “Beanpole!”

(This message has been brought to you by Ms. Snarky.  Raising smart ass, sarcastic citizens one at a time…)



  1. That just sucks on soooo many levels. It’s so hard to be a parent…and not want to go kick.some.ass.


  2. Thank you. I just don’t know what to do, except to be there for her, and try to make her see just how beautiful she is.

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